Marvel 2008: Year of the Anti-Wasp

2008 is coming to a close and looking back at Marvel this year, other than the general high body count with Magneto shifting the Earth's axis on Earth-1610 (that's the Ultimate universe, doncha know) and the Skrull invasion on Earth-616 (that's the "mainstream" Marvel universe), one thing I notice is...Marvel has decided to hate Janet van Dyne, better known as the Wasp.

Secret Invasion #8 - Janet uses Pym particles to grow large into Giant-Wasp-Girl or something, but she had been given new Pym particles that supposedly would make quick size transitions easier. What she didn't realize was that the Henry Pym that had given her the new Pym Particles was a skrull. The new Pym Particles turned Janet into a bomb. In order to keep her from exploding and killing a lot of people, Thor killed her.

Ultimatum #2 - After Magneto shifts the Earth's axis causing New York to be flooded, Janet's missing. She's found being eaten by the Blob...literally...that's not some innuendo for a lewd sex act. Fred J. Dukes, ever the class act, through bloody grin says, "Tastes like chicken." He'll be dead next issue.

My question is...what did Janet do to Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada? Or was Joe just the weapon used by Marvel president Dan Buckley? Or is the trouble more insidious...After all, she's not had an easy comic life.

Introduced to the superhero comic life in 1963 by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, her first appearance wasn't an easy one. Right from the start, her father is killed by the Creature from Kosmos. No mother is ever mentioned. She falls for the elder Hank Pym who wisely decides to curb his interest until she turns a legal age of consent. But worse than all of that, becoming Ant-Man's sidekick, which could be considered the lowest of the low starting points, her debut was not an impressive one.

We asked the Creature from Kosmos about the encounter: "Ok, first...I have a name. Pilai. Creature is a demeaning label. Second, I'm a 50 foot alien crea...monster. I was rampaging through New York, a must do adventure for any giant crea...monster. New York or Tokyo. King Kong and Godzilla are always debating over which is the better stomping ground. Anyway, I was in prison and my trip was unplanned. I wound up in New York, so that's where I stomped. Had Vernon van Dyne been working in Derry, Maine, I would have stomped there.

Anyway, you wanted to know about Ant-Man and the Wasp. Well, look...I'm 50 feet compared to their, what, 6 inches? I didn't even know they were there. I heard later that Ant-Man had created an antidote and he shot me with a shotgun carrying the antidote. If you want to know about the Wasp, you need to talk to one of those ants who were too afraid to fight me head on, but helped from safety."

Simek, Ant-Man's former ant aid: "You really wanna ask me 'bout Pym and his little girlfriend? We were cannonfodder for 'im. He got all da' press an' we was still just vermin to ev'rybody. Dem he decides he wanna grow insteada shrink, an den he goes back to gettin' small but he's that Yellowjacket mook, and none them other Ant-Mans never hardly called on us. Utter ant hills wouldna let us in. Betrayers o' the species, dey called us. HEY! It was a job! I had grubs to feed.

Anyways, yeah yeah, dat' Creature had come to Earth. Pym had us doin' all his legwork while he was makin' nice wit' da' skirt. That Creature had an' awful acidy smell. Ev'ryone says we was afraid, but we ants were gettin' wise to Pym an' we jus' didn wan' get close to that smell. Huntley came up wit' dat' line...'It is alien and we are afraid.' Haw! Huntley was a riot. Anyway, da' dame. She wasn't nothin'. She hadda be rescued by Pym, she didn tell 'im nothin'...all his info came from us ants. She had no reason to be dere. Dumbest ting...his plan used a shotgun...they's just inches tall. So who gets da' gun where it need be? Us ants. Took forever, too. We're friggin' ants! It's a friggin gun! You know how many humans got stomped while we crawled the gun cross town? They couldna stayed dere full size and drive over?"

So Janet's first foray into superheroics as the Wasp was more for eyecandy than actually being helpful. The Wasp's less than dignified debute and the beginning of her Marvel torment began immediately a la her costume.

Huntley, another Ant-Man ant aid: "That first costume made her look like a freaking suppository. That pointy hat? Come on! She should have realized Pym was delusional from that alone."

She would finally get some respect as one of the founding members of the Avengers, though it would be awhile before it happened.

Tony Stark: "Seriosuly? You want to ask me now after she dieed what we thought about her and Ant-Man on the team? Because everyone's going to know if I say something nice it's not going to be true. We had a Norse god, a 7' monster, and me. But they were buzzing around and we couldn't get rid of them. At least Pym wised up and made himself Giant-Man."

But despite being the weak link early on, Wasp proved herself to be clever and resourceful and worked her way to Chairman of the team. But at the same time, she was physically abused by then husband Pym and they got divorced.

Henry "Hank" Pym: "She knew it was an accident. Why can't anyone leave it alone? I made it up to her. She always came back to me. Special administration of Pym particles...Let's just say she was a freak and I was able to keep her satisfied. If I ever get hard up for money, look for Pym Penis Enlarger emails..."

More embarrassing costumes than any other hero ever, undistinguished debute, father killed and not the hero to take down the killer, beaing beaten by Hank Pym, hell being saddled with Pym for 40 years, and getting killed in two universes. Did Janet van Dyne turn back Stan Lee's amorous advances?

Well, Marvel is done with Janet van Dyne until someone decides to bring her back for more torment. But they're not done with the Wasp as Pym becomes the new Wasp.

Pym: "I'm trying to honor her memory by using her name...and wearing her underwear."